Runnels: Take a poll on the percentages

You know, we humans have come up with all kinds of ways to hide your ignorance and sometimes the truth. You take them people what give the weather forecast.

Now I’m here to tell you that they’ve got wind gages, thermometers, computers, radar and God only knows what else — and still they can’t tell you if it is, or ain’t goin’ to rain.

They’ve got all this high tech technology and they still can’t come up with a true forecast.

“In heartland weather we have a 50 percent chance of showers.”

Now, what kind of an answer is that? If it rains, they’re right, and if it don’t, they’re right. I can give you 50-50 odds on the weather for next year on this same date.

They probably couldn’t do that good if it wasn’t for the telephone. Some ol’ boy out in Bunker calls in on the telephone and says, “Hey Don, it’s rainin’ out here.” The way he knows is because it’s hittin; him in the face.

The only high-tech equipment he’s got is probably Black River Electric rain gauge, a thermometer from the local hardware store and a weather vane — one of them metal roosters settin’ on top of the barn with an arrow under his feet pointin’ which direction the wind is comin’ from.

And he’s tellin’ them high-tech meteorologists.

Another good way to hedge on stupidity is a term called the polls. Now, I ain’t talkin’ about a fishin; pole, or the north and south pole, or even the little booth you cast the ballot in where I never know whether I’m hurtin’ myself or not.

I’m talkin’ about the polls where they try to give you some idea on whether this candidate is winnin’ or losin’.

Mike Wallace will say, “The present polls show that 30 percent of the voters are for Smedley Doright and 40 percent are agin him. The other 30 percent are undecided.”

Now, ain’t that tellin’ you a lot? When you turn off that tube you ain’t no smarter than you was when you turned it on. You’d already learned Smedley Doright was runnin’ for office over at the coffee shop.

I don’t care about the polls or percentages. You take these fellers runnin’ for the job of Commander-in-Chief — you know, the presidency. Accordin’ to the polls and common sense, I get the feelin’ they are all hedgin’ on the military issue.

You know, this one feller got exempted from the military whilst furtherin’ his education. He got smart and went in after the war.

This other one went in the Guard. Now anyone who was G.I. knows what the guard is.

Them other two probably enlisted to beat the draft like I did.

It don’t matter to me, but the polls and statistics show the percentage is better if you’ve got a military background—Washington, Grant, Ike, etc.

According to that, we ain’t got much to vote for. Let’s call up the weather feller out in Bunker and see what he says.

Courtesy of Tom Runnels Publications. Copyrighted and Registered by Tom Runnels and Saundra Runnels Revocable Trust. Printed in The Banner Press: Nov. 3, 1988.